Hugs to Heaven for Jesse

Today I was cleaning out my files on my computer at work. Come November 16th lay offs will take place and my job will be one of many. I came upon a file named MY BLOG  - JESSE. I wrote my first entry in this blog file on 10/01/2009 1:31 PM. The same year Jesse was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I've posted my entire blog on here before, but as I read the last entry from March 22, 2012 I couldn't help but feel emotional...the heartache is still there. So I had to write another entry...to heal some of the pain, at least for a while. I love my brother in Heaven. My coworker Patty helped cheer me up....she said my tears are going to disrupt Jesse from Jamin on the drums with Jesus....hahaha and that made me laugh and smile a little :)

Last two entries in my Blog for Jesse <3 See below.

Thursday March 22, 2012

Hello God, Hello Jesus, I love You and Praise You with all my heart. As you know Jesse is still sick in the hospital and feeling more pain. I pray to You to ease the pain in Jesse. We know that once Jesse is released from the hospital (Scripps Encinitas, THE BEST HOSIPITAL around) he will have Hospice take over his care at home. We all know what is ahead of us for Jesse. I must SAY OUT LOUD…I am always hopeful for your will to be a miracle of healing.  I’M NEVER GIVING UP believing in that. As You said to Jairus over his dying daughter, “Do Not Be Afraid, Only Believe” I believe!!!  I also believe that whatever Your will is it shall be done. Last night I called Jesse and talked to him for a little while.  Eva and Dennis had just left. Jesse sounded tired…but he talked with me for a few minutes.   He asked “What are you guys doing?” as he always does. J I told him I just got back from Target (bought Layla milk) and how I was taking Layla a bath while I was on the phone with him. I put the phone to Layla’s ear and she mumbled a few “words” baby babble to him, hee hee.  I asked him how the procedure went the day before, and he said “pretty good.” “They took some fluid out of the stomach.” “I might go home tomorrow.” I said OH GOOD…we’ll be up Saturday then, let me know if you need anything ok. Then I heard how tired he sounded so I said ok I’ll let you get some sleep…just wanted to speak to you… and I said “Good night, I love you!” and Jess replied “Ok, love you too!” Thank you Lord for these special even though it was short..it was beautiful conversations!

Peace, Love and Family..

Thursday August 23, 2012

Emotional. That’s the best word to describe how I am feeling right now, at this very moment.  It’s my first time writing in my blog about my brother Jesse since his passing on May 26, 2012. Oh Lord dealing with his loss has been tough as it is for any family member who suffers a loss of a loved one. I prayed so hard for Your healing Lord, to heal Jesse from cancer, but it didn’t happen. I believed in You but it just wasn’t Your will. And Lord it’s not about what WE want, it’s about what Your will is for us here on Earth in this life. I Love You Lord. I thank You for being by Jesse’s side, holding his hand through the pain and sadness and yes the fear of the unknown. It was You Lord who looked upon Jesse and saw that he was suffering too much on this earth from this ugly disease…and it was You who decided it was time to heal him from that and take him home to your kingdom. I sit here at work, 9:20 AM…writing this entry in this blog with tons of tears rolling down my cheeks…..my heart aches….Jess:: when you look down on us from Heaven, and when you see me crying, sad……don’t feel sad yourself….because my hope and faith is in The Lord that I know I will see you again!!! I miss you and I love you…………….FOREVER IN MY HEART!!!!  Thank you for watching over Layla and myself…Huge Teddy Bear Hugs to my brother!!!

Your little sis,

Anita

A Letter From Heaven

For anyone who has lost a loved one, read for some comfort. I couldn't help but cry while reading this. It's just beautiful. (((THinking of you Jesse)))

To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say,
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from Heaven, where I dwell with God above,
Where there are no tears or sadness, there is just eternal Love.

Please do not be unhappy, just because I’m out of sight,
Remember that I’m with you, every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you, when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me, and said, ” I welcome you”.

“It’s good to have you back again.
You were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
I need you here so badly as part of my big plan.
There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man”.

Then God gave me a list of things he wished for me to do.
And foremost on that list of mine, is to watch and care for you.
I will be beside you, every day of the week and year,
And when you’re sad I’m standing there, to wipe away the tear.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on Earth, and all those loving years,
Because you’re only human, there’s bound to be some tears.

One thing is for certain, though my life on Earth is over,
I am closer to you now than I ever was before.
And to my many friends, trust God knows what is best.
I am not far away from you, I’m just beyond the crest.

There are rocky roads ahead for you and many hills to climb,
Together we can do it, taking one day at a time.
It was my philosophy and please I’d like for you,
To give unto the world, so the world will give to you.

If you can help someone who’s in sorrow or in pain,
Then you can say to God at night, my day was not in vain.
And now I am contented that my life it was worthwhile,
Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

When you’re walking down the street and I am on your mind,
I’m walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind.
And when you feel a gentle breeze of wind upon your face,
That’s me giving you a great big hug, or just a s oft embrace.

When it’s time for you to go from that body to be free,
Remember you are not going, you are coming home to me.
I will always love you, from that place way up above,
I will be in touch again soon.
P.S. God sends his love.

~ Unknown



I LOVE MY JOB

 

Yes, it's the toughest job in the world, but also the most rewarding and fulfilling! Sometimes I let my "grouchies" get the best of me at home and find myself taking it out on my child - NOT IN A SPANKING WAY, but in a "Ay Layla stop already" way. I've heard coworkers, freinds complain a lot about their kids....being kids. Face it we ALL do it from time to time....and it's not fair to our baby. I came across this reading that uplifted me and hopefully will do the same for you :) 

No mom can be "perfect" all the time. We all lose our tempers. We all complain. We all get grouchy. But God knew that when He created us. He knew our flesh would win out once in awhile. That's why He sent Jesus to save us from sin, so we can repent for our grouchy attitudes and move forward in love. So get those grouchies off and let love control you today! 

Let Love RULE